Becoming One: Marriage ConnectTao

When you and your partner decided to marry you said “Yes” to this process of becoming “One”, and you agreed to together becoming a completely different person from who you are on your own. If marriage could be described by way of a mathematical formula it would not be stated as a 1 + 1 =2 process but as a 3 x 3= 9. First of all, you are not your partner’s better half and they are not your other half. You two are “whole” people coming together to birth a person that has not walked on the face of the earth prior to your coming together. Your uniqueness and their uniqueness ensure that a completely new person, a whole person, can come out of this marriage process. What person will that be? That is one of the questions each of you has a part in answering. A whole person is made up of 3 dimensions that blend and merge into a “1”. These dimensions are spirit, soul and body. And it takes time for each of the parts of your being to become “one” with the other “one”. But wholeness at one level implies being unhurt, enjoying freedom from injury and wounds. Who’s free from that, really? The good news is that being whole also means to have been restored. But marriage offers the opportunity to broken, hurt, injured persons to become restored, to be healed, to become emotionally and spiritually sound. Do you know that if you act “whole” you can become “whole”? It’s like those people who start building their homes in government-owned property and 20 years later they become “owners”. Even though everyone else called them “squatters”, they saw themselves as owners, called themselves “owners” and took steps to become it when they were not. Marriage is not merely two people picking and choosing which of these dimensions to add into this marriage mix. It’s two people adding the total of their dimensions, their whole being, at a much rapid pace, into the mix. Multiplication is faster than addition; it’s actually addition on steroids. I would rather have someone give me $100 x $100 than $100 +$100. The rate of “wealth”, of “wholeness”, of restoration is faster under multiplication, when everything I need to become whole is on the table, not just bits and pieces. Are you putting everything on the table? Or is it just the bad stuff, the negative things? Are you bringing your whole self into the mix? Are you seeing yourselves married? Bring your whole selves into this process. Sure, many obstacles get in the way. But it is not just external stuff: it is mostly the junk you deal with internally: most particularly the way each of you think, the way each of you communicates, the way each of you has learned to cope with fears, threats, past failures, bad times, times of challenge and also times when everything appears to go well. This is not hopeless. Because in saying “I do” you’ve also released the power of agreement: nothing you’ve set your mind to from this time forth will be impossible. If you are set on not talking, guess what? You will not talk. If you are set on not getting to the bottom of your unspoken issues, guess what? You’ve just agreed to not get to the bottom of your unresolved issues. Why not agree on increasing the weight and presence of the positive things? Have you two set your mind on anything else beyond agreeing to live under the same roof? Are you really turning off all the noise and distractions and focusing on how to build the house, your house, your marriage? God The Father, in His Word, cautions us to “throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” [Hebrews 12: 1 -3] Marriage is one of the most important races marked out for you. You will grow weary and lose heart when the focus is off love and onto the noisy stuff. What is still hindering your marriage that you have to decide whether to throw off or not? Throw off everything that’s hindering your marriage! Sin is each of you knowing to do the right thing and not doing it. What sins are you still committing in this marriage toward each other? That is, what right thing must you do that because it is not being done it is creating entanglements hindering how well you are running in the race? Throw off every sin that is keeping you bound and not allowing you to become fruitful. There is a cross in marriage that is to be endured, but only for a brief season, to get to the joy that’s behind the cross experience. It is a cross experience to get to know each other. It is a cross experience to become vulnerable with the other one. It is a cross experience to give up pride. It is a cross experience to suffer the attacks and opposition of those who are supposed to love you. It is a cross experience to do the right thing especially when it means admitting we’ve made mistakes. It is a cross experience to relearn to communicate. It is a cross experience to admit that we can be wrong. It is a cross experience to ask for forgiveness and help. But the joy behind that is the unveiling of a treasure: love that remains and grows. To get to the joy you must be willing to go through the cross. But becoming this “one” is becoming a different kind of “one”. And that will not occur over 12 months, or 60 months or 120 months. It’ll take your whole life. There will be stormy days. There will be dark nights. If you know that, then you’ll have your seat belts fastened for the ride of your life. When you are at the top, you’ll know it. When you are in the zone, you’ll know it. When you are down, and there’s friction, and irritation and it looks gloomy, you’ll want to despair and wonder “What did I get myself into?” Just don’t stay there for the long-term. It’s OK to seek help when it’s needed. It’s OK to seek your own space when it becomes a bit suffocating. What you’ve got yourself into was a life adventure where those seasons need to become opportunities for the truth that brought you together to forge this “One” person. And a tender One it can become. Don’t come half-heartedly to this process. Don’t withhold your self. Give it your all: spirit, soul, body. You’ll look back after 20 years and say” Thank You, Lord, for not letting me give up on loving and being loved!” I ask that your eyes be filled with such light that you both are able to experience the joy of being that grateful.